Where I Would Have Been

A year ago today, the world stopped spinning the way it had my entire life.

Today I a sat where I would have been one year ago.

I remember the voices of that day.  The quivering, disbelief, gut wrenching sobs on the other end of most every telephone call.  The panic and urgency of that day.  My urgency to get to my people.  The exhaustion.  The feeling that everything was speeding around you, yet you remained unmoved.

Today I sat in a research seminar, much like I would have been last year.  I wish I could have done that last year.  Like, this didn't happen.  But the world spins madly on.

My sister shared some words of peace at his viewing last year.  With most of my large family around him, she described Heaven and Earth having different timelines.  Here we count every day.  Day by day.  Year by year.  It feels long, but it's not eternity.  And we miss him and KNOW he's gone...and we realize this day by day, year by year, etc.  She said, when he got to Heaven and saw Jesus he was so in awe he didn't know we weren't with him, but by the time he realizes we aren't there, he'll turn around and we WILL be there.

That's comforting to me.  While we miss him daily, we've been promised an eternity with him.  It still doesn't change the fact that I want him here.

A lot has changed in this one year.  Oh my goodness, I can't even tell you how much I miss that sweet man. We love you so much.  I really do "thank my God upon every rememberance of YOU".