Change

With every new year of school I've had that "nervous excitement/jittery anticipation/slow down I'm not ready for this next move" kind of feeling.

In elementary school it meant less play time after school.  Less outside time.  More spelling word practice.  More times table drilling.  More learning states and capitols.  Just plain ol' school.  I had no idea that will each passing year there would be a little more responsibility.  A little more change.

I will openly admit the night before 6th grade and the night before 9th grade I cried like a baby.  I can still remember it.  I obviously put myself to bed but after some hysterical sobbing my parents came in.  Assured me that I would make it.  I'm sure 6th grade was actually terrible...because let's be honest, middle school is horrible in general.  Yeah, pretty much everything about it.  I know I enjoyed 9th grade.  It was HIGH SCHOOL.  Besides waking up the first morning...with the power out...having to go with WET HAIR and braces...otherwise, I'm sure it was a great day.  In both cases, the classes were harder, the people were different, and hair weave was ALWAYS in the hallway after lunch...I made it.  Even with a little more change.

College rolls around.  I CRIED when I found out I would be taking like 15 hours the first semester.  I had no idea what "3 hours" entailed...but just KNEW I couldn't do it.  Lord knows I would do anything to go back to 15 hours with no clinic...make that 18 hours...I'd do it.  I was so nervous about moving to Oxford.  I silently sobbed in my bed the night before class started...it felt so much like summer camp but I knew I wasn't going home.  I knew my roommate and that was pretty much it.  We had scrutinized over the room for months...we just knew it was perfect...we got there (and much to my dismay) a malaria net factory/fake flower haven blew up in my room.  I just KNEW I would come home one night after the bar and have a seizure with all the different patterns we packed in there/die from suffocation following my "canopy" falling from the sky (ceiling).  I didn't.  I pledged a sorority that year...I was petrified about rush...because I just knew I wouldn't fit in.  I made some amazing friends.  At the end of that year, I cried leaving Martin.  Knowing we would all still be friends but we would probably be better friends with people we were still getting to know.  Things changed but I made it...and I loved it.

Every year I was in school I so anticipated getting to go back.  I LOVED my summers at home.  Getting to be with my family was always what I needed.  I always left with a sort of pang in my heart.  Getting to go back to the place I loved...with the people I loved...but it meant I had to leave my family.  Every year was amazing.  But each year brought about some change.  I was eager to move in to the house, thrilled to be with my 3 roomies, sad when we "broke up", so happy to come back to the house, sad realizing I would never sleep there again, thrilled to move into the GO, happy knowing I would be the last lady to live with Edotlouise...before she permanently lived with a MAN, SAD SAD SAD when we graduated...because it meant I was leaving my friends, Oxford, and I would be MOVING NORTH.

Last summer I kind of dragged my feet for a while.  I was ready for the adventure but I was nervous.  I knew only the Roomie...via phone calls and facebook stalking.  I knew my schooling would be atrocious.  It was and it wasn't.  I realized I would never really "live" at "home" ever again.  I was big and it scared me.  The whole way there...the whole time we unpacked...I had a frog in my throat.  As my parents said goodbye I LOST it.  In my living room.  I had a complete meltdown.  Just like times before...I did fine.  I had fun.  Met great people.  Enjoyed school....you've seen it...I've lived in the Big City...I've lived to blog about it.

So now this summer.  I've had the best time.  No class...for the most part.  Got to feel what a "real" job is like.  Got to see Tuck every other weekend...that's never happened thus far.  I've been "home" for about a month.  I've soaked it up.  But I'm sad now.  I am SO READY to see my Big City friends.  I am nervous about this upcoming semester...note to self: don't listen to the older people...just figure it out on your own.  Sad I won't see Tuck every other weekend anymore.  Sad to have to cook again :).  I know I'll be missing my Mama. 

I know, I know.  I can't have my cake and eat it too.  But sometimes you want to!  Bottom line.  I've done this before.  Hello, Beth.  You've done this before...um, I'd say every year for your entire life.  So yeah, it's scary...all this change for the second year. 

But I've done it before and I can do it again.

Change.