I Can't Help but Wonder

I can't help but say that today was a hard day.

I wasn't there.

I wasn't in my place.

You see, if I had been in my place this week I would have been: jumping up and down, screaming, crying, explaining, bonding, laughing, staying up to all hours of the night, loving, dancing, being silly, making decisions, convincing, hugging, juggling...I would have been...at rush.

I loved rush (heck, I loved the deeg) more than the average human.  I enjoyed it.  I thrived off of it.  If I wasn't sick or without a voice at the end of the week...it just wasn't a successful week.

I felt a certain sadness this week as I carried on with my life here in the Big City.  I wouldn't trade where I am today but I couldn't help feel that at the end of the week (today) I would be nothing but a face on the composite to all these new girls.  Not only would I be a stranger to them...they would be a stranger to me.

Am I excited for them?  Absolutely.  Do I doubt for one minute that their experience will be nothing less than amazing?  No. 

Do I know that they will be: Rocking in the rocking chairs on the front porch, making football signs, dominating Derby Day, campaigning and winning every stinking election, envious of Room 6, having long chats, being/ making best friends, witnessing tap dances (ok...well only if AK makes an apperance), snuggling during late nights, scrutinizing over who to take to formal, going out, feeling at home, scratching backs, loving on Eva, James, and Ms. Russell, living in that White House, going to chapter, Sisters, decision making, learning, making mistakes, eating chicken pasta salad, figuring out what to wear to swaps, telling secrets, having crushes, studying, growing, maturing, picking bridesmaids, laughing...some times crying, tearing up the yogurt machine, finding remnants of peanut butter all over the house, building each other up, and on and on and on....

Yeah. 

I do.

Why?

Because those are all of the things that I did.  

I know I might be a face on the wall now.  That's ok.  It's their turn now. 

I just can't help but wonder when they will know it was the best decision they have ever made.