Clockwork

I'm exhausted.  Still.  Just came off of wedding weekend for Janety.  A most perfect wedding weekend, at that.  I'll give a rundown soon enough.

I was about to browse Pinterest but then decided to blog.  The summer is coming to a close and that feeling that I always feel is slowing creeping in.  I wrote about it last year.  Then reflected on it later in the semester and said I had been crazy for worrying about it.  So WHY am I here doing this again?

I guess there are a lot of reasons.  This year will be different from any other.  I'm not sure how to gauge it- and really, I shouldn't try.  This year, I will be applying for my externship and completing a Capstone, all while fulfilling all the other requirements for being a student, and maintaining a long distance relationship.  No lie, it's going to be tough.

God willing, this will be my last year in the Big City.  It's hard to believe.  I personally desire to be closer to family, so hopefully I will be returning closer to home for my 4th year.  A few weeks ago, we went to a family gathering at TK's aunt and uncle's house.  His aunt was asking me where I hoped to end up.  After sharing with her possible locations and some of my apprehension- she just said "God really has a good sense of humor sometimes".  I said yeah sister (expect not really) that's what I'm afraid of.  It's the kiss of death to have a "plan".  I know this.  Why am I afraid?  I don't know.  He's never led me wrong before.

Professional?  Me?  I mean, we are almost there.  Amazing feeling yet almost terrifying at the same time.  I've had superior training.  I know what I'm doing.  But like a friend said to me recently, soon MY name will be on my work.  My judgements and results will be interpreted by doctors, patients, families, and other professionals.  With my name on it.  Hello?  I'm 24.  Right, I am 24.  Many of my friends are married, many have been in the working world for years, some even have children.  I feel old, yet I don't.  When did this whole career thing spring up on me?

The upcoming "good-bye" has my stomach in knots.  This summer has been such a blessing to our relationship.  I've seen TK more than I ever imagined.  It was so refreshing to savor every moment with him- to enjoy every single second- knowing that a goodbye was not right around the corner.  I know it's one year.  I know it will fly by.  But there are often those moments where it feels time is standing still.

One year.  I have one year left with my friends in the Big City.  The people who have co-authored one of the most exciting chapters of my life.  How can you wish to be in two places at once so badly? I don't want to miss a second with my sweet friends.

I'm hopeful I'll end up laughing all of this off.  That a few months will go by and I'll see it wasn't that bad after all.  That I really had nothing to worry about.

It crept up on me again.

Just like clockwork.