#OnGradSchool

After this week, I certainly needed some good news.  I got it last night.

Two weeks ago we took two of our midterms.  One of them was horrifying.  We had been prepared by higher classes that THIS would be the test that would give you fits...the one WE would be talking about for years to come.  This professor is world renowned.  Has exceedingly high expectations but is an excellent teacher.  I studied like none other for this test.  I was EXHAUSTED.  I had clinic that day so there was no time for me to review before walking into this bad boy.

I was so worked up.  My chest was red...as it often gets when I'm embarrassed or really upset.  I walked in saying "One test does not define you as an individual or a professional....One test does not define you as an individual or a professional"....over and over and over.  I was able to laugh about it before (well really still now) that if was was on academic probation (B- and below for a class) this semester I would be ok with it.  I really would be ok with it.

So I took the test.  53 short essay type questions.  All building on one another.  All descriptions of "how to" do X, Y, or Z.  Some were to explain random articles, random images from random articles, etc.  We found out research is super important for this professor on exam.s  This should come as no surprise since we are at a school for research...AND since this professor was sited as "the researcher" for most of the topics we covered. :)

So we had class last night.  We were told we would get the tests back in the last 15 minutes of class.  I just waited for class to be over.  I was like...throw it at me...one more thing to be upset about this week.  I was fully prepared to see two numbers together in combination that I'd never seen before.

Class ended.  The professor went to hand back the test and said: In all my years of teaching, this is the second class I've ever said this to...you all deserve to be here.

My heart soared.  That was enough for me.  That validation.  One of my worst qualities is that I let things get to me...I doubt myself...I doubt my abilities.  I often fly under the radar...which is the perfect place for me.  I hate it when people are out there and loud and WRONG. I'd rather be out of the spotlight and then shine when it counts.

He handed the papers back.  I got mine second.  I turned and looked and EVERYONE had their eyes on me.  Waiting for my reaction.  I kept the paper face down.  Flipped through the pages and saw A LOT of red marks...but mostly "Ok", "Excellent", "Pretty much right", my personal favorite "Close".  Ok girl, you have to look.  So I did.  And saw two numbers that I've seen together before.  Two numbers that didn't scare me.  Two numbers that I'm very proud of. I was blown away.

Going back to a previous statement: One test does not define you as an individual or a professional.  I said this is preparation for the worst.  That I would do less than I expected of myself.  It was the reverse in this instance.  I did better than I expected.  Yet, one test does not define me. I did well.  We all have good days and bad days.  But I can assure you, I'd rather be an excellent professional than an excellent test taker any day.   

This was just a small victory.  Small but well deserved.

And that's just a little #ongradschool.