This time last year.

I'm getting nostalgic.  April is probably my favorite month in Oxford.  The weather is amazing and it's time for spring parties, Double Decker, sipping a beer on one of the many balconies on the Square, laying out, cute dresses, very little studying, etc.

Last night I was chatting with a couple of girls that will be graduating in a few short weeks.  I was telling them how sad I was when my time was drawing near last year.  How I consciously walked slowly wherever I needed to be in hopes that I could stretch my time out.  How scared I was in those final days in Oxford.  How depressed I was to be leaving my friends.  How excited I was about the future...but nervous about what the future would hold.  But the main thing (which should come as no surprise) was just HOW MUCH I loved my school.  I told them to do like I did.  I told them to make a Bucket List and do all the things they wanted to but just hadn't gotten around to doing...while they still could.

All of that got me thinking about what I was doing this time last year.  In the weeks leading up to May 8th.

 I indulged. 

 Attended every  a lot of Spring Parties

 Took my Derby Day participation to the extreme

 Had dinner for the last time with nearly 94 of my closest friends  sisters

 Hosted my first wedding shower

 Danced more than one night a week in the Boom Boom room like a freshman

 Ate a ton of crawfish and never turned down a party.  

 Took a dip in the Phi Mu fountain

 Celebrated another engagement...they got married the beginning of this month!

Other events cannot be documented on the blog but rest assured I sucked the marrow out of my time there.  And then May 8th came.  Graduation Day.  Mimosas that morning with friends...sitting on the edge of my former bed in the Deeg.  Pictures with friends before our march into adulthood.  Then it was time.

We lined up.  The cool grass in the Grove brushed my toes as we walked to our seats.  I stopped breathing, blocked out all of the sounds around me, and stared fiercely into the mortar board on the head in front of me.  I knew if I didn't I would end up sobbing for the rest of the day.  The part in the Grove went quickly.  I have no clue what profound wisdom was bestowed on me that day.  We ran to my school graduation.  Some kilted men with drums and bagpipes helped us to file in.  That part went faster.  They called my name.  I walked across the stage.  It was over.

I didn't fear May 8th.  I feared the 9th.  The 9th meant that I was officially out in the real world.  It meant I was one day closer to moving to the Big City.  A day closer to meeting the roomie, finding a place to live, leaving home...for real, and becoming a big girl.  I was officially out of my little comfort zone.  Exposed.  Wide open.

As much as I hated to leave.  As scary as it was to move most days.  I did it.  All the uncertainties went away within the first month of living here.  This was the right thing to do.  But with that said, would I love to go back and enjoy it all again for old time sake?  You better believe it.  I've said it a hundred times before but it really is strange how much your life can change in a year.

It's weird to think

This is what doing

This time last year.

Why yes, I'm going there...

I know I've graduated and moved on from my days at Ole Miss but I have to say...

Today was my favorite day of the year in Oxford.  A holiday if you will.

Sigma Chi Derby Day. 

A time honored tradition for the Alpha Psi Delta Gamma's.  Why?  Because we always win.  We do. 

Derby Day week is the best of your life.  It's the time when pledge classes go away and you are all just working together.  The time where you all really get to know each other while working towards a common goal. 

This year DG took the title home again.  A 3peat they're calling it.  2009, 2010, 2011.  My little Indians dominated and I'm so proud.

I was sad this week not being there.  Sounds crazy, I know.  But it becomes ingrained in you.  That feeling of competition and sisterhood all wrapped up in one.  MyH(e)art knows how I feel.  We were both "in the loop" this week with random people calling us to tell us different events they had won.  Just to hear their excitement made me feel like I was there...and part of it

Watch my girls as they take it away.

Yeah, so what...I went there. 

Weekend

Well he came.  "He" as in... Mystery Man.  In a few moments, his identity will be revealed on the blog...for the first time.  I hope he is ready for the fame that such a debut will bring to his life...since, you know, so many people read this.

So presenting to you, for the first time....

Boyfriend.

Yep, you read that right.  We had a great weekend together.  He got to see the Big City and really learned how I tick.

He got in close to dinner on Friday night.  I cooked.  Never cooked for a boy before.  We had chicken spaghetti, salad, and chocolate-chocolate chip pound cake. He actually ate it and said it was good.  After dinner we changed and danced in the living room...got in some good dance practice for all of the weddings we have coming up...there's no way we will disappoint.  My smile during that time was undeniable and could not be wiped from my face. That night he got to meet almost all of the Big City friends.  We headed downtown to the piano bar.  Someone wore his cowboy boots and it was just the right flavor that needed to be brought to the Big City...but we did get a chuckle out of it.

 Berns' brother came to town for the first time!  We loved him!  I also became an adopted sibling.  Our hair is pretty close in color....well at least now it is.

 Roomie suggested the picture be taken this way.  Possibly the most awkward photo of my life.  We celebrated her 23rd on Tuesday.  Another post...that you won't want to miss. 

 They became biffles and no telling why their eyes were so squinty... 

The next day he got a quick tour of the city.  Saw my school and some of my favorite places.  Then we headed to the Loop.  Easily one of my favorite places in the Big City.  We walked around and then went to Pi for lunch.  Again...easily my favorite if not MY FAVORITE place to eat in the Big City...undoubtedly my favorite location.  We pleased someone's limited palate and then headed to the zoo to meet up with Berns, her brother, and A. White Marfechuck (Yes, that is spelled correctly, no, it isn't a species at the zoo, and no, she hasn't made her debut on the blog).  We had a great time with the rest of the state...literally everyone and their mother went that day.

 Got to see my favorite animal.  The giraffe.  Obviously.  No, he wasn't trapped up in there the whole time...we were actually there near closing time so he was getting in his bedroom I guess.  Neat because that's the closest I've ever been to one but freaky at the same time.  The zoo kind of creeps me out in general.

Then this guy was some hybrid animal.  Looks very zebra-esque in the hind-parts. Second to the giant anteater that lives at the Big City Zoo, this was the ugliest animal I've ever seen.

 Maybe it was the walking around, possibly all the fresh air, could have been the sun beating down all day (but in no way was it my sinus infection and double ear infection) but after the zoo?  We were EXHAUSTED.  I had been planning a fun date night for that Saturday...and come hell or high water we.were.going.to.do.it.  By the time we got ready to go it was getting closer to 8.  After a quick me getting lost detour we ended up at our location.  Immediately ordered a beer sampler.  It was great but we were too hungry to think.  Like ravenous.  We ate some time after nine...we all know that was way past my feeding time...especially after not having a snack time all day...but really.  After that we were headed to have martinis.  I told him the plan and he asked if I would mind if we skipped that part.  BEST THING I HAD HEARD ALL DAY!  Instead we rented a movie and I was asleep in 2.5 seconds...after it started. 

He had to head back Sunday.  It was a really sad day for me but we had a great time the entire weekend. It meant a lot to me that he would work so hard to get to come...this is tax season, after all.  We laughed so much.  Had him expand his horizons by eating hummus and refried beans.  That still makes me laugh.

Ready for visit number 2! 

Sancee

I'm honestly surprised I've never written about Sancee before.  My aunt.  Really, more like my grandmother.  See, my daddy was a "surprise" (although he claims he was the only baby my grandparents really wanted...that's neither here nor there) so Sancee was twelve years older than my daddy.  My daddy was also older when he had me, so my grandmother was close to her 80's (if not in her 80's) when I was born.  So Sancee kind of adopted me and The Poodle as her own...to take us to different activities, watch ballet performances, attend soccer games, keep us on weekends, etc.

We were close.  She died when I was ten.  Nearly thirteen years ago.  Gone for more than half of my life.  It's hard to imagine.

I can vividly remember our time together.  Almost like a movie playing in my mind.  Different snapshots in time but I can hear her voice and remember exactly what she said.

She was diagnosed with cancer right after I turned ten.  I can remember going to the hospital after the initial diagnosis and I will never forget what she looked like.  She was so sick.  I had never, and still to this day, never seen anyone look the way she did.  I couldn't even look at her.

She ended up spending the summer (during the week) with my family so she could get her chemotherapy treatments.  She would go home on the weekends because she was so sick (from the treatment) and didn't want to scare me or my sister.  Initially I can remember resenting her for being there because my room...became her room.  In the end, that was one of the best summers of my life.  I think for her, just being with us was the greatest therapy.  That summer was our last with her.  But I walked away with some incredible memories.

After the summer, we watched her body just deteriorate.  By Thanksgiving she could hardly walk and was the sickest I had ever seen someone.  I sat in her room with her.  I know she was in so much pain.  She sat and tried to wear her wig (which she hated because it itched her head) but finally took it off and wore a red cap.  I can just remember streams of tears just running down her face as she sat and looked at me.  I think she knew that her time on Earth was coming to an end.  And it was.  Because that was the last time I ever saw her.

She died in December. Two days before Christmas.  She had been in the hospital and we were going to see her on our way to family Christmas. I spent the night at a friend's house the night before we left.  I remember crying and Lauren praying over me that night before we went to sleep.  I think part of me knew she was gone but no one had actually told me.  I ran home the next morning.  My dad was sitting on the edge of his bed...drying his hair.  He wouldn't look at me.  I knew.  I wanted him to tell me.  I started asking- When are we going to the hospital?  How long will we stay?  How is she doing?  Asking the questions that my fifth grade mind could formulate...almost screaming within...I needed him to speak.  I'll never forget him slowly turning off the hair dyer, putting it down on his thigh, and turning to look at me to say- she died last night.  He said, "We aren't going to the hospital anymore".  That's all he said.  She was gone.

It comes in waves.  You know, the times when I really miss her.  The moments when I just want to pick up the phone and call her and tell her what's going on.  She's missed almost thirteen years.  The years where you get your heartbroken, you start to drive, graduations, true loves, the up's and down's...she missed a lot. I've missed her a lot in the past year.  Maybe it's because I graduated from college, or moved, or have new people in my life, or...I don't really know.  But I do.  I miss her a lot.

When I was in college I would find myself driving to her old house a lot of times.  It took a lot for me to drive down that road but I finally did it.  I would sit in this parking lot next to her house and talk.  Just talk to her.  And I would get mad and some times really sad and some times I would just talk.  Just tell her what was going on.  Sometimes I wish I could do that here.


I know this post was a lot about her death.  I obviously remember a lot more than that.  Tina Turner, James Dean, pickle seeds, car rides, snuggle time, iced tea, great stories, and so much more.  She was an amazing lady.  So full of life.  So strong.

I miss her.