Ok, I hear you

This is getting borderline obnoxious, I know.  I just keep posting, don't I?

Caution: This post is a little deeper than what I normally do.  A bit of my faith in cyber-world.  Something only select audiences have heard.  Huge leap for sure.  

I've been struggling recently.  With my faith, with my God, with just some parts of life.  Do you ever feel like that?  I'm sure it's very normal.  My praying knees have not gotten tired but there have been times when I felt like my prayers were falling on deaf ears.  My struggle really started in November when I started applying to grad school.  The reality of how competitive the process really is set in.  I was so worried that I would never get in.  I sought scripture during those four-to-five months and found a scripture that I sometimes have to say to myself more than once a day.  Mark 5:36.  "Don't fear, just have faith."  I really struggled "giving it all to God".  Just trusting that it would all work out.  On March 2nd, I had a particularly hard day.  I really just pleaded with God to know something, ANYTHING before Spring Break.  I knew if I had to ponder on it for the whole week I just couldn't take it.  That DAY I got the phone call that would forever change my life.  Just what I needed.  I drove around Oxford that afternoon absolutely hysterical.  Tears of JOY.  A true moment where I could actually SEE what He was doing in my life.  Ok, I hear you.

As the semester went on I only had one acceptance letter and it was from my school.  The deadline was quickly approaching.  I REALLY wanted to go to another school.  I wasn't so sure about moving to the Big City.  I basically had a chat with God and said the only way I will go is if I don't get in anywhere else.  Right.  So I sent in my acceptance letter and THEN all the other letters came rolling in. Ok, I hear you.   

The summer has been great.  Very relaxing.  I've just been dealing with some uncertainties.  Again, I'm going to go with that is...normal.  Anyway, a few weeks ago I went to this jewelry party.  And no, I'm not 45, and yes, it was fun.  So at the party I really debated on buying something.  Did I REALLY need to?  Well, I settled on this simple sterling silver necklace, holding a small cross pendant.  After that night I never thought about it again.

So today rolls around.  I'm up and eating some lunch when my mom gets some unwelcomed news about a family member.  News that leaves you pretty jilted, but more than that, it's the type of news you know you have to hope for the best until more test results come back.  So that's what we we've been doing today.  And praying during down times.  After running some errands today I get home and pulled out the mail.  As I opened the mailbox, I saw a package.  Inside?  Yeah.  The cross necklace.  Ok, I hear you.

Some of you might say, what a coincidence. 

I can tell you, it wasn't.

HE knows the plan.

I don't.


We have such a compassionate God.  I just need to let go and listen.