And My Heart Was Happy

I was spontaneous this weekend.  I just left the Big City on Friday and headed South.  And my heart was happy.

Wednesday was a day of living hell for me.  I apologize for the people who have heard this- mainly my sister, my mom, and my boyfriend...and the Big City people who lived it with me.  Now is your chance to skip this part, and read the happy stuff.  For the people who haven't heard this story- you might should skip to the happy part, especially if you are squeamish.  So here's your chance before this story unfurls...

AWFUL PART: 
I knew Wednesday was going to be a day.  I was told not to eat that morning so I could have balance testing performed on me.  Another student would be performing the tests, so she could practice giving the instructions and learning the battery...I would be experiencing it to know what it was like when I administer it.  I was already pretty anxious about it.  For VNG testing, you are in a dark cylindrical booth, wearing a "halo" with video cameras recording each eye, head strapped in, and seat-belted it.  For a person who is claustrophobic, this is not an ideal situation...so I was FREAKING out.  I've seen a ton of people have the testing done, so I knew I had to suck it up.  We started out and I was doing fine, everything looked good.  Then we got a call that we had to go to the hospital for a bed-side.  I was unhooked and ready to walk over/very curious what was going on because I'd never been called over to do one.

I walk over to the main building with my supervisor.  We go get the audiometer.  We start walking and I look on the order and see that the patient's room was listed within the "ICU" wing on the floor.  We were told before we walked over there we would know WHY we had been called when we got there.  When I saw "ICU" I knew the patient was going to be without an ear or something.  I was ill.  Panicking.  We walked through the wing.  I was on tunnel vision because I knew if I looked in any other room I would have a complete meltdown.  We got to the room and the patient was in CT, so we were going to have to come back.

To say I was relieved would be an understatement.  I had been talking to God the entire time.  Praying that I would remain standing, that my face wouldn't change when I saw this person, that I would be able to look them in the eye, that they would live, that I would live...I mean so many things.  Seeing the families outside of ICU was heart-wrenching for me.

We got the call to come back.  I prayed the whole way over.  I'll never forget what I saw.  Let's just say there was a lot of blood (like more than I had ever seen) and multiple stab wounds to the head.  The foreign object still remained in the ear.  We didn't even have time to perform our testing because the surgeons were there to take the patient to surgery.

That shook me up.  I have three hospital experiences that have really shaped the way I feel about going into ICU situations.  Now I have four.  I was frazzled after that.  Managed to eat lunch.  Then it was back to MY testing.  I got all strapped in again.  The part where the chair moves began and I LOST it.  Like exorcism style.

I was hysterical.  So dizzy.  In the dark.  Strapped in.  I wanted OUT.  I was crying, which was mortifying to me in front of two supervisors.  I was kind of "critiqued" following all of these experiences and it was just a little too much for me that day.

I sobbed the whole way to class that night on the phone with my mom.  I walked into the school building and saw the Roomie and a friend and they asked how my days was and I went all hysterical crying girl on them.  Both thought I had been diagnosed with something they found on my testing.  Yeah, no.  I held it together during class.  I was sad the rest of the week.  I took it out on a lot of people, mostly Tuck, and I really shouldn't have.  I apologize.  It was horrific but I'm moving on from it.


HAPPY PART:
One good thing did happen that day!  We found out Uncle Tuck will have a NEPHEW this February.  That truly was the only thing that made me smile that day.  I've said it was a boy the entire time.  I listened to this song like a million times today.  Such a sweet uncle/nephew song.  Congrats, Uncle Tuck.  You will be a great one!

Friday comes.  I had a half day of clinic, as usual.  I called Tuck at lunch and he told me to get in the car and come home.  It took some encouraging by friends and my daddy but I did it.  I threw clothes in a bag and got on the road.

Friday we went to a birthday party.  For the first time in a very long time, everyone from Tuck's "core group" was represented with their spouse, fiance, or significant other.  My heart was happy.  The girls had girl time and the boys had boy time.  It was perfect.

Saturday we went to the game.  How could you not be happy in Oxford?  We lost.  What's new?  I got fried.  Again, what's new? (As a side note, when someone clearly knows they are burned, what's the point in ridiculing them/ poking at their burn?  None.  Shove that tid-bit in a pocket for a later date)  I saw Lula,  Swamps/Dorroh,  Jeansy,  MAP, and Alyssa.  Ran into my cousins very unexpectedly.  Our visit was too short but I needed it.  My heart was happy.

We ate at Como Steakhouse that night.  Such good conversation with such precious friends.  We were ready to crash by the time we got home.  And we did.  We slept in today (heathens, I know) and ate lunch with Tuck's family.

 Sweet ghost sisters

 Swamps insisted on a "pic for Boosin"

 Tuck's photography skills are top notch.

JBaby, Jenty, me, Tuck, Wolf, Julie, and Twin

I might have a ton of homework facing me tomorrow but this weekend was totally worth it.  In all honesty, I drove over 400 miles for a hug.  And I got lots of them this weekend.  Sleeping in the woods (at Tuck's house) was the best thing that could have happened to me.  Zero noise, just peace and quiet...I always realize how noisy it is here when I leave.  The devil didn't even get to slip that image back in on me one time while I was gone.

I'm so thankful for all of my friends.  I'm rested and rejuvenated.  Starting with a brighter outlook on this week ahead.

My heart IS happy.

Stream of Conciousness

5,532.  Miles.  Well, that's if you count our initial meeting- if you don't, then subtract around 210 miles- that's the trip from Memphis to Jackson...where we met.  5,532?  That's the combined mileage we've traveled to see each other since we met in January.  We live in a combined 3 states- his hometown, my hometown, and the Big City- so that's a lot of area to cover.  5,532 miles in a short eight months.  Why we calculated it?  Simple.  I just wanted to know.  I would travel many a mile for that man.

This song is true for our relationship.  Tuck picked it early on as one of "our songs".  Getting through all the stuff.  Finding that right one.

Hope y'all enjoyed that cheese.  I'm feeling much better from my random illness, thanks for asking.  Tuck came this weekend- first one since July.  We had a weekend of quality time.  No better way to speak love to me than spending time with me and just giving me your undivided attention.  I LOVE it. I cooked Friday and then we hit up a local bar for a casual night of drinks with friends.  Saturday we watched the game enjoyed some excellent bar food at my favorite sports bar down the street.  We went to Cabela's after that because I enjoy being trapped in a building with stuffed deer, ammunition, and 9 million duck call going off I'm the best girlfriend in the world.  Can I just tell you what a sensory overload that place was- seriously Charming Charlie's has NOTHING on this place...and I've made multiple attempts at going in that store.  Caught the tail end of the Balloon Race that afternoon.  I took Tuck to eat Vietnamese that night.  He was a good sport.  Thank God they had "chicken with fried rice".  Later we went out for houka and drinks.  He was not impressed but wanted to do it.  I'm just glad we are marking things off our "to-do" list.  Sadly we didn't get a picture together this weekend...also really sad because my hair is actually RED right now...I've said it before but really this time, it's red and a few people haven't recognized me.  Everyone seems to love it.

 Roomie drew this in class.  What an artist.

 We will see if he reads this.  Get it with that fur. 

 Words to live by for this Rebel football season.

 Yummy.

Balloon Race

School is going great so far.  I say that because we haven't had a test yet so I've only been reading, going to class, and taking notes.  Clinic has been different because we are just fed to the wolves this year.  With more full time days.  We are expected to be on our "A-game" at all times and really practicing as "pseudo clinicians".  I'm at a vestibular clinic this semester- so I get to put my patients through what I call the "torture chamber"...haven't had it done on me yet but it looks horrifying.  I'm also doing hearing aids, cochlear implants, and the regular diagnostic stuff.  I'm BUSY while I'm there, which makes the time go by fast...but I feel crazy at the end of the day...like I have a mushy brain.  I've learned SO MUCH and I'm so thankful that I'll have 7-8  different rotations before I leave for my fellow year...clinic experience is invaluable.

So that kind of catches you up with me.

Remembering- Get out of your boxes

There are a lot of things that I want to remember today.  One being the obvious, 10 years since the worst attack on our nation.  September 11.  Ten years ago, it just seemed like another day.  Ten years later, our lives are forever changed...and it's one we will never forget.

First things first.  For my own memory, I'd like to remember a recent illness that I'm battling.  With the pain associated it will be hard to forget, but nonetheless I'm going to document it.  Something you should know about me is that I have the unique ability to acquire illnesses and/or diseases that are reserved exclusively for eighty year old people.  No offense, Mimi, but it's true.  So Thursday, I realize that my lower jaw is very tender.  I thought I had slept wrong or something but after eating that area started swelling.  I called the Roomie and told her I had a tumor and to please come home so I would stop over-reacting.  I called several other people before I called the doctor...who couldn't see me that day...but told me it was a swollen lymph node.  Going back to my previous statement, that I can contract anything under the sun, I knew that this was not a swollen lymph node and something weird was going on.  I pushed through.  Advil wasn't touching the pain.  I went to sleep and was wide awake at 2 AM.  Throbbing pain...like out of control...could not get comfortable...took some Advil and waited to call the doctor.  Oh and at 2?  My.face.was.huge.  So the doctor squeezed me in.  She said it was an infected salivary gland.  Seriously, what the hell?  So I got on some pain meds and antibiotics and went to clinic.  Each time I ate my face got bigger.  I looked awesome and wanted to cut it out of my face.
I can't believe I'm doing this, but here...here it is.

Don't let that fool you.  No, that's not one of my 9 chins (inherited from father)...that's the swelling from this thing Friday night.  It was actually smaller there than earlier.  It's nearly invisible today.


So where were you?  It's one of those things I think about a lot of the time.  It really was one of those growing experiences.  I was sitting in first period in Algebra 1 in eighth grade.  I had a crazy, kind of larger than life teacher.  I remember he left the room, and then came running back in saying "You have to get out of your boxes".  He was very agitated and just kept moving all around.  We had no idea what he was talking about until he brought in a TV.  Katie Couric was saying the World Trade Center had been bombed.  I knew they were in New York but had no clue what the World Trade Center was.  I remember just watching, not really understanding what was going on.  Ingrid P. Warren (our principal) walked by and saw what was going on and made him turn off the TV.

Mr. Brown rambled on about getting out of our boxes.  I think he knew before any of us that this wasn't an accident.  We innocently went on with our day.  A friend came in at lunch time, because she had been to the dentist, and said the towers had been hit by planes.  We still had no clue the magnitude of these events.  That afternoon we had assembly so Ingrid P. Warren could break the news to us.  I remember being so confused but immediately so worried about my Uncle Tom.

I got home.  Turned on the TV.  I was just in shock.  During first period, the second plane hadn't hit the South Tower yet.  They weren't even sure what had happened in the North Tower.  The buildings hadn't collapsed.  The Pentagon hadn't been hit.  Flight 93 hadn't been run into the ground.  Everyone was throwing around this word "terrorism".  I was home alone and freaked out.  I called my cousin Malinda at work.  Even asked for Malinda Moore (her maiden name...and no one knew who in the heck that was).  I needed to know how Uncle Tom was.  Needed to understand what was going on.

I'm so glad I had amazing teachers that year.  Teachers who encouraged me to write...and write it all down.  I have pages and pages of even days following that seem so "real" because I'm able to go back and read it.  Stuff I know I would have forgotten.

It took several years to realize what it meant to "get out of my box".  But one day I just got it.  We were so trapped in our little worlds.  The world of Collierville, Tennesse- where who was going to ask you to the dance, who was being heinous to who, what would I wear to youth group, how much white eye liner was appropriate, or how short could I wear my shorts out before my parents said something- were my biggest problems.  It's still like that today.  We are still so stuck in our "boxes"- unwilling to accept people's differences, unaware of other people suffering, consumed in our own "problems", unobservant of the world around us...the list continues.  So do it.  Look around.

Get out of your boxes.


Never forget.

Weekend of Firsts

A weekend of firsts it was.  The first weekend of: football season, Grove season, temperatures less than 100, school readings exceeding 150 pages (that I've skimmed at best...then again, maybe I haven't), blistered feet from closed toe shoes, and a third cousin's visit in the Grove.

This was also the first weekend I've seen Swamp since she took over Houston.  She might tell you "Texas is bigger than me"...but I'm not believing it...she'll be "the Rodeo Queen" by the end of the year.  I just know it.

This weekend marks my first Ole Miss football game with Tuck.  What a wonderful and strange experience all at the same time.  Just knowing we had so many similar traditions and celebrated in the same places for the past six years was pretty bizarre.  Saturday was the perfect day...aside from our three hour separation during the middle of the day (due in large part to AT&T being the best cellular provider on the planet).  Being in the Grove, meeting even more of his friends, sharing a Hotty Toddy (or two), and watching the game together was one of the most special moments we've had.  Saturday was like a looking glass into the years to come.  I just still can't get over the fact that we never knew each other while we were in school...we laughed all weekend about how we probably passed each other in the bar or stood in line by each other in the student section and never even knew it.

Sunday we took it easy.  Napped, watched movies, and looked at trucks.  Tuck also requested photo evidence of my "awkward years".  He specifically requested years from sixth-eighth grade...so that's what he got.  While I did have braces and never straightened my hair...little does he know my most awkward years were third-fifth grade.  He had a great time digging through my treasure trove of memories...AKA an empty dresser drawer full of every picture, drawing, writing assignment, letter any person has ever written me, and other c-r-a-p I've deemed worthy of treasuring for a lifetime from middle school up til now.  I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

This weekend intensified my urge to be in two places at once.  I love the Big City and the people in it.  I love that I'm getting a world class education...one that I know I wouldn't receive anywhere else. At the same time, the biggest part of my heart is in the South.  With Tuck, my family, and friends there...it is always hard to say goodbye.  Today as I was leaving town, Tuck was behind me.  We got to the fork where he goes right to head south and I go straight on the roads heading north.  Per-usual, I lost it. 

I was kind of zoned out and crying when this song came on.  Pretty cheesy, I know.  Typically, I don't channel country lyrics into my "great life lessons" portion of my life...but maybe just this once I will.  I'm sure I will miss these times...and I know this season will be over faster than I can blink.  Needless to say, the heaving sobs started as I let the lyrics sink in.

Such a perfect weekend.  So completely blessed.  Happy beyond measure.